Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
