He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
