If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
