dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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