When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize