Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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