Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
