He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
