nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
