so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
