tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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