she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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