I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
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the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize