you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
