this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
