Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
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It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I am available for nakedness
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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