dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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