You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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