Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Jerry, you need to find god
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
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