I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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