maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
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It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
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Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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