It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
