I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
