i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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