Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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