Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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