You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
