so explain again why im purple
no
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
