Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
