I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
