I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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