im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
