dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
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See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
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Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize