How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
