Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
