im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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