But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
