So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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