Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
