Your dad touched me again.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
