Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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