Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
