I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Less talking, more tequila
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
