Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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