I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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