Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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