take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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