When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
