I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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