Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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