If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
