I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
