We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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