somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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