I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
