Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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