OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My breath smells like gin and sadness
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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