She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
