thus making me awesome and them whores
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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