ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
