I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
