barbara walters just said penis...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
