i think my tv is drunk
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
