Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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