I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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