I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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