At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
