I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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