My Higher Power is John Stamos
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
