Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
