Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My balls are so social today.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
