It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
