Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
