wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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